What Was I Thinking?

 I haven’t written a blog in over a week even though so much has happened and to honest….I’ve been struggling with some emotions and frustrations but tonight things became crystal clear.

I  had two track meets this week.  I did O.K. in them and even had a couple personal bests but I think I had much higher expectations for myself this summer when it came to track.  That is very hard for me to admit and accept.  I think other people had higher expectations of me too which makes it even harder.

Those who know me well, know that I  have to  work really for my results.  I always make huge goals and  I believe you have to dream ‘BIG’ if you want things to happen. 

It’s hard to say this without sounding vain but I’m used to getting the results I want in TKD.  Now that I’m doing track I guess I expected to just jump in and get the same kind of results.  Silly me  – what was I thinking?   I’ve been studying TKD almost everyday for 13 years so of course good things happen.  I’ve put in the hard work, the endless hours of training and all the necessary sacrifices.

This is my first year with throwing events and  I’m training with people who have been throwing for years.  They are awesome to train with since it pushes me harder and it inspires me since I can see the possibilities.  My throwing coaches have told me that it takes a certain amount of throws to tweak and perfect the techniques.  That is something that just can’t be rushed.  You have to put in the time.

Tonight I probably had the best javelin training session alone with Bill.  I’ve had some time to train on my own over the last few weeks  and he was really happy with what I’ve done. He was also able to make a few changes and once I did what he said,  I’ve never thrown better.  It was also nice to have a chance to express how I’m feeling.  The last thing I want to do is disappoint a coach and I wanted to make sure he knew what was going on inside my head and how I was really feeling. Lately, it hasn’t been so great. It’s hard to keep optimistic and not discouraged.  We both agreed I just need a bit more patience. I am going to try my best to stay strong psychologically because I love track, it’s just tough right now.

Then at discus I had another great training session.  I finally got my Throwing Shoes and my rotations are smoother with them.  Cory was able to make adjustments with my arm and all my throws were consistently further.  I was having trouble this week so when he made the adjustment things felt so much better.  Thanks Cory!!!

Then I headed out to the dojang and that is where everything came clear to me.  I was so surprised to see some of my very favorite TKD people who were visiting. 

Mrs. Julie Lauzon (Goneau) came to train with us.  She has been an idol of mine for years.  As I was growing up I always wanted to be able to do a side kick like her.  Mr. Lim was there training with us too and he always pushes me to do my patterns better since I know he will give a critique.  Ms. Jobin was there and I value every training session and time we have together before she gets married and moves to California.  Mr. LeGrow was beaming having all his friends training together.  It was a room full of ‘history’. 

This ‘history’ is what has been missing in track for me.  When I’m in the dojang I am soooo comfortable and in my element since it’s what I know best. I know everyone and they are all my second family.  I guess I compare everything to TKD since it’s what I’ve done all my life.  Track is still so new and I’ve never had this feeling before.  I train to win and I hate to lose.  I love the throwing events and I’ve realized that it’s o.k. to not always be the one on the podium at this point.  I have to ‘do my time’ like I’ve done in TKD. 

Travelling last week to Oshawa with the track team was awesome since it allowed  us to get to know each other better and become friends.  During practices it’s hard to get to know someone since everyone is focused on the training and there isn’t a whole lot of talking.  Now that we know each other a bit  better, and the practices are more fun too.   I guess this is the start to creating a ‘history’ in track.  I don’t want it to be  just about the distances we throw but  also the friendships and experiences we are starting to share.  I’ve been focusing only the distances.  The distances will eventually come but now I want to enjoy all aspects of the training.  This is just the beginning. I expected to improve faster and be better, and it’s definitely a wake up call. Track is worth all the frustration, hard work, pain and time because eventually I will get to where I want to be.  Patience is everything.