2 Months of Turmoil

It’s amazing how your life can be running perfectly and suddenly something happens and it spins out of control.

Dec 6th, 2013 my mom suddenly become critically ill and ended up in hospital for over 2 months. We were told she probably would not survive.  It was the scariest time of my life. She is not only my mom but also my best friend.  I couldn’t believe or accept what was happening. Everything felt surreal but when my Uncle from California was on a plane within the hour of a phone call and my other Uncle and Aunt drove from North that day I  knew it was real. My body just felt numb.

I was in survival mode for a long time. Things were moving so fast around me and I had no control that I felt helpless and overwhelmed. You just go through the motions and try to stay strong for the family.

While she was in the hospital, a lot happened and I found myself sending in university scholarships , submitting university applications, trying  to catch up on all the school work from when I was in Spain for the World Championships as well as study for final exams.  I also had three speaking engagements.  It is all a blur to me now, and I hated not being able to get advice from my mom. I think through all of it, that was the part that scared me the most. Not knowing if I would ever get her advice again.  She was hooked up to so many machines in the ICU.

I have not posted anything about my taekwon-do training in the last while because I have only gone to the dojang twice now since this all happened.  Every night I was either at the hospital, studying or working.  The whole family has gone through so much just figuring out how to cope with the stress and everything being so up in the air.

I can’t tell  you how much I miss being in the dojang with my instructor and friends.  It’s where I feel whole and complete. I like who I am when I am there.

Instead of training, I would be helping out at home or be at the hospital with my mom. At the hospital helped mom with her physiotherapy.  We actually sat in chairs and we did just the arm movements of the TKD patterns in slow motion. The big motions were good for her mobility and it also helped with her breathing.  It was touching because it’s such a huge part of our lives and it was actually helping her a lot!  It’s amazing how your priorities and focus can change so easily.

I am normally the one who people can count on to either get things done or help out but this was the  first time that I felt completely vulnerable and lost.  It was amazing how the community of friends and neighbours would just drop by with ready made meals for us while mom was in the hospital. My teachers and principals were more than helpful through this time as well. I have been so fortunate to have such amazing people surround me. My family and I can’t thank everyone enough for their generosity, love, and support .  I had to let my guard down for the first time and accept help.  This is something very new for me.

Life is slowly getting back to normal. As Mom gets better my guard continues to go down (partly from exhaustion) and I realize just what we actually went through as a family.

We are all really excited since Mom was discharged from the hospital today!!!!!!!!!!!!

I learned a lot through these past months. There were good and bad moments, and a lot of growth throughout the whole experience.  Some of the things I learned/realized are:

• I realized that turning 18 years old during this time was also symbolic for me a person.
• I realized that I have been taught enough that I can do things on my own and make my own decisions with confidence.
• I realize the difference between needing someone and wanting someone.
• I realized how important ‘moments’ are.
• I realized that Christmas, New Years Eve and other holidays come and go but it’s the people around  you that matter.
• I realized that nothing stays the same and you have to be able to adapt.
• I realized its ‘ok’ to accept help when you really need it.
• I realized that all the little lessons or conversations are learning experiences for our future.
• I realized how important it is to not leave anything left unsaid to our loved ones or take them for granted.
• I’ve realized who I can count on when times are really tough.
• I’ve realized just how powerful the mind is to heal a very sick body.

So glad you are finally home mom.  We all love you 🙂